My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
