I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
