I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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