How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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