No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
