There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
