He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
