God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
