I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
