The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize