Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
