I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
