well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
