I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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