Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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