Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
