Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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