My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
