I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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