I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
