dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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