there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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