don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
