I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
