Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
