Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
