By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
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he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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