why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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