there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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