the condom got lost in my hair
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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