why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
