thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
