your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
