just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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