have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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