i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
