Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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