i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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