I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
