Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
soo... how was my night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
