So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
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It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
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