On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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