This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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