i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
