I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
