All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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