scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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