my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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