She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
