the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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