Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
