We named our party play list daddy issues
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
