Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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