I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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