I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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