I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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