no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
