M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
