Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I want a musical about memes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
