two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
