I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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