I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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