i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
