dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
