I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize