Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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