While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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