Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
