I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
